A LOT on my mind

This past week and weekend have been packed full of things to do and not enough time to do them. After a full day of planning for our documentary, I decided to get into bed and read (Wicked). After I struggled to find a stopping point I realized that this time of night was the only time I actually had to do what I want. I get tricked into thinking I have a busy week, but it dawned on me that every week is a busy week. I never have time to go see a movie anymore. It takes me 2 months to read a book. I was due for an oil change 1,000 miles ago. I miss doctors’ appointments. I wash my clothes but forget to put them in the dryer. I can’t find my company ID.

The following is quite personal and deals with my personal beliefs so if this makes you uncomfortable I suggest you skip to the next paragraph. I usually have to work on Sundays, which keeps me from going to church. Now that the racing season is over my Sundays are free, but I find all I want to do is sit alone for a minute and just do absolutely nothing. On the other hand I know that I am slowing becoming more selfish and passive because I haven't been able to go to church in so long. The problem is finding a church in this city that isn't a singles club or a daycare. I've become passive about finding a home church and quite frankly stopped trying. That alone is enough to terrify me. I know how much peace, joy and mental grounding I have when I stay in the Word and go to church. I also realize that if I would get over myself and just find a church then I will start making friends here. I know all this, yet I have nothing in me to drive me to go. It's such a bizarre feeling. I need to refocus my top priority.

Love, it’s a word I’m so sick of hearing about. It seems as though moving to Charlotte has sparked some strange urge in everyone I know to fix my singleness. The problem is everyone's inconsistency. One day people (mostly my closest friends and my family) will tell me I'm much too young right now, focus on my career, have fun, travel. A few days later I will be asked by the same people if I'm interested in anyone right now and/or have they told me about their friend (fill in a guys name). I'm quite content being single right now and honestly don't know of any guy with the patience to deal with my busy schedule, but I'm not against meeting new people. Here's the problem, before I can even realize what I'm doing I turn down blind dates or group dates. I throw out some lame reason then go home and sit in confusion because I'm just as inconsistent as those who want me to find a significant other, get married, but also stay single and be successful. I am the pretty much the only friend left in my group that is not married or engaged yet or in a serious relationship. I feel as though this might be something that I've caused, I need to figure that out.

Lastly, and I am probably going to get some angry responses because of this, I'm thinking of ending my blog. Now before you start cursing my name, I have good reason (at least I think I do). I've never been a people pleaser, but the moment I moved to Charlotte I find myself trying to keep people happy and content. I don't necessarily want people to be happy with me, just happy in general. I don't know what it is about this place (Charlotte) but it's turning me into someone that I can't quite recognize. Here's how this applies to blogging. I basically started a blog because some people said I should. I'll skip a few days blogging because I become insanely busy, but get grief from fellow bloggers for not blogging. I'll feel bad and write up some lame post. No one will read it because I don’t' have time to comment on 20 blogs. Then, I'll feel bad for not commenting on other's blogs, because lets be honest, if someone doesn’t comment on your blog then you won't come and read theirs. The blog world is give and take; you got to earn your regular readers. This alone is just too much. I don’t' have the time to contribute to blogging and commenting and I don't have much to say, ever. Right now blogging is just another thing on my To Do list, and to be honest, there are much more things in my life that need my full attention right now (my best friend with a 2 year old, a job promotion, producing and directing a documentary in New York City, finding a church and getting my spiritual life back in order, getting back in shape, etc) I don't think I'm going to delete my blog, but I know that I will be taking a very, very long break from it. I'll still check in when I can. This is important, for those of you I've met here, I still hope that we can keep in touch through e-mail and phone.

Jailhouse Rock

1,500 plus CPDRC inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines at practice! This is not the final routine, and definitely not a punishment! As I continued to look at more videos, this is something that this prison has been doing for a while. It is AMAZING!
Thriller

The Hustle

Walk it Out

If you would like to see the final routine for Thriller, just go to YouTube and type "At the Cebu Capitol" in the search bar. It should be the first video. Enjoy! I know I did!

Martian Child

A sci-fi author (John Cusack) who is still mourning the death of his wife tries to get his mind off of his grief by adopting a young boy (Bobby Coleman). But the kid's own emotional problems are compounded by the fact that he seems to be utterly convinced that he's from the planet Mars. David’s sister, Liz (Joan Cusack), his boss, the adoption agency and his agent (Oliver Platt) all try to talk David out of adopting a child because he’s lonely. As parenting takes over his life, his writing career comes to a slow stop and the lines between fantasy and reality become slightly blurred.
Martian Child is a deeply sincere and moving film. Coleman proved himself as more than a child actor. His performance was flawless leaving you questioning if he really was a martian child or just a child attempting to heal from a painful past. John Cusack also gave a great performance. (Much better than 1408.) Oliver Platt annoyed me some, but he always does.
This film was different from any film I’ve seen in awhile, which was greatly refreshing and probably one of the reasons I loved it so much. The idea, two different people learning to love each other and defeating the odds, is familiar. The delivery of the story and the characters is what makes the film seem not so familiar.
The film also has an underlying theme of the power of the imagination. Cusack’s character struggles with his imagination being conformed to what the mass wants and feel comfortable with after years of writing. When he meets Dennis, and his exocentric and relentless imagination, he learns that he’s diluted his imagination to please those who are threatened by it. In the end the two, David and Dennis, begin to balance their imaginations by still challenging normal thinking, but without being too out of this world in the extent of the imagination.
I’m a little late in writing this review, but for those of you who still haven’t seen it, if you are looking to see a heart warming and feel good movie, I strongly suggest Martian Child. It will leave you with a smile on your face.

Awkward Turtle

I house sitted this week for a family in Charlotte. I was in charge of not only the house but of two kids, 12 and 15, and two cats. The younger, Page, was very sweet and the older,Parker, was the happiest and most talkative emo kid I've ever met. But, the whole week was awkward. The guest room was super creepy (furnished with miniture victorian furniture and pictures and dolls). I was scared I would see things so I slept on the couch in the game room with the two cats. I usually hate cats, but one was like a dog, it just laid by the door and slept. The other one was a typical cat. It stalked you and pounced and hissed and meowed, etc. To do something different I decided to take the kids out for dinner. Wednesday night we went and ate fajitas. But, when our sizzling meal came out we had no tortillas. The three of us just sat there staring at eachother. The following conversation happened:
Page: No tortillas
Me: nope. Maybe they went to get them.
Parker: Soooo you like the salsa?
Me: yeah, it's good
A very long silence followed then I see Parker slowly lift his hands and peer at me through his jet black hair. All the sudden I see something very familiar. Some that Shea is known to do in awkward moments...That's right, Parker busted out the awkward turtle. The turtle worked his magic and I busted out laughing. The rest of the meal went by smoothly and silence free. Thank you awkward turtle.

Packing up and removing in?

This weekend I opted out of hiking due to lack of company and began to pack up my belongings for another move. I would like to say that I'm moving into a quaint home in Charlotte with oak tree lined streets where I can finally be close enough to visit with my friends. Unfortunately I'm moving about 30 feet away from my current living situation. Because I've decided not to rent, save up, and use my savings to purchase a home, I'm stuck living with my parents for the next year and maybe a little more. My parents picked up on my anxiousness to get out on my own again and decided to grant me the "ownership" of the bottom half of their house. So this weekend I cleaned and packed and picked out paint. I'll have my own enterance, living room and patio. I'll just have to share the kitchen if I want to cook anything. I feel this is a good deal for what I can get. Moving back in with my parents was tougher than I thought, but hopefully this "move" will make the next year go by much quicker.

Other exciting updates:
NCSU Wolfpack beat the UNC Tarheels - greatest game of my life, besides last season basketball when we beat the Tarholes and we rushed the court. I LOVE my Wolfpack and this game gets me excited for basketball season and March madness.
Corrine and Bradd are having a girl!
My old roommate and I are trying hook up two of our friends-helpful suggestions welcome

Quite Uninteresting

I have absolutely nothing to blog about. There is no new news, no exciting events to anticipate, no exciting boy gossip, no freakish or funny accidents, no drama, no nothing. The magic of a new place has worn off and life has left everyone I know too busy for quality random fun.
I guess the most interesting thing going on right now is that I'm in therapy for my neck injury from my car accident last week (thrilling isn't it?). I am a huge fan of the Samsung Juke phone commercial. Oh and I got a hang nail yesterday and my work computer crashed on me again today, and my company's Christmas party invites came out today.
Before I throw too much of a pity party, I have to admit that one interesting thing is going on. Tomorrow night my sister-in-law through marriage (my sister-in-law's brother's wife...got that?) is having a sex party. Now before your perverted minds start working. Corinne and Bradd are pregnant (funny how the guy is "pregnant" too..) They find out the sex of their baby on Thursday. So Wednesday we are having a sex party to celebrate the mystery news.
I need something exciting to happen, something to do with someone. I want to go to the mountains Saturday to hike, but I don't have anyone who will go with me. I'm beginning to bore myself with myself.

This is me on the left...This is my life's response on the right.

Luck's Joined the Dark Side

Since I've moved to Charlotte, Good Luck and I have been pretty good friends. Until last Tuesday at 4:06pm when Luck decided to join the dark side and start making my life hell. For the past two weeks I've been in a brawl with luck, who now goes by bad luck, and I'm getting my butt kicked.
Last Tuesday on my way home from work I was driving behind a plumbing truck when out of the blue a joint pipe about 18 inches long and 4 inches wide flies out of the truck and bee lines it for my front fender. Because traffic was so heavy, trying to avoid the possessed pipe would only cause a bigger accident. So I clenched my steering wheel and took the beating. After looking in my rear view mirror and seeing that the pipe was bouncing through the traffic behind me I picked up the pen in my cup holder, picked up my speed and began writing down the information on the truck. I picked up my phone and dialed out the numbers scribbled on my hand. The woman on the other line said she would call me back in an hour when the supervisor got into the office. I waited 2 hours, called them back and was told to wait 45 more minutes. I waited an hour then called back...no answer. I was not going to get screwed over. The next morning I left a message for them to call me by 10am or I was going to file the accident at the police department. To make a long story short I got the issue settled and they are going to pay for the damages (although surprisingly small, just a deep scratch in the shape of a perfect circle).
Next on the list, the blow below the belt at my dog Sadie. Thursday I let Chloie and Sadie out to play. About an hour later I open the door to let them back in. Sadie limps through the door (which is normal b/c she has arthritis), behind her is a very bloody trail. I freak out and run over to start checking paws. A small pool of blood was starting to form under Sadie's left front paw. I lift it up and a one inch gash had left her pad split almost in two. I call my mom and together we begin to doctor her up. She's getting better now but is sad that her play time has been limited.
On to Friday night, a good friend and I are on our way home from a local band's concert. Again, a stupid truck was driving in front of me and stuff starts flying out. Luckily no one else was on the road so I could dodge most of the debris, except for the white paint. I get home and check out the damage. White speckles of paint covered my hood and windshield (did I mention I have a black car?). Anyway, with some elbow grease I was able to take off most of it, but the rest is going to have to be taken care of by professionals.
Monday is the day that bad luck drew blood. On my morning commute to work, sitting in stopped traffic, a Honda driven by a woman on a cell phone and a hyper dog in the back seat plows into my car at 45 miles an hour. In disbelief I pull over to the safety lane and dial 911. Numbed from previous beatings by bad luck I was almost unmoved when the officer asked me if I was okay. I step out of the car and take a look at my broken bumper, then glance over at the woman’s front fender that was completely destroyed and thought, wow I guess that was a harder hit than I thought, then got back in my car and cranked up the radio and waited. After the officer handed me my Accident Report I headed off to work. I sat down at my desk where the adrenaline quickly wore off and the pain hit. Yep, whip lash. My neck and shoulder throbbed in stabbing pain and moving my head to look right was almost impossible.I decided to leave work an hour early to doctor myself up, a very very bad idea.
Apparently bad luck was on overtime because he was waiting for me in the parking lot. I start to leave my parking space, backing out slowly b/c I couldn't move my neck and then I heard the all to familiar noise. Another employee was in a hurry to get out of the parking lot so he picked up his speed to get by me. Apparently it wasn't fast enough b/c I backed right into him. Now furious, not at him but the whole day, I pound my fist on my gearshift (which really hurt) then get out of the car. I start to mumble choice words. The guy gets mad b/c he thinks they are directed at him. I quickly step back into reality and explain the past few days to him. The story ironically put him in a good mood and he said he would be okay handling the situation without the police or insurance company. Happy with that I profusely apologized, got in my car and let the floodgates open. Bad luck had won. This day had sucked and the following day I was going to avoid driving. So, I called my boss and told him that I was not coming into work b/c I was boycotting driving for a day. He laughed and granted me permission to sulk.
So here I am at home working, sulking, and avoiding my car at all costs. The good news is that my neck movement is slowly coming back, my car is getting fixed, Sadie's foot is healing up and my day off has given me time to finally blog.

Autumn Winds

The Rain finally made his way to NC, gently gracing us with cool drops of water over our thirsty flowers and withering grass. When the street lamps came on he began to shimmer then ask me to dance. With a smile I slipped off my shoes and played a while. As if his presence wasn't enough, he also brought with him Crisp Fresh Air and her sister Cool Gentle Breeze. Together they blew away the dust and heat so that I could see and feel the beauty of Fall. The three promised to stay through the night to and coax me to sleep if I, in return, left my windows open for them to play in my drapes. I know their visit won't be long, but they've promised to stay one more day. I pray that it's true.



Fall Dance
by: Edward Nudelman

Another fall day that seems to balance
On its own precarious step

Not understanding whether it is to be swung
Into winter’s arms in a dosie-doe

Or rudely shoved like the last passenger
On the five o’clock commuter to Trenton

I’ve got to say by the looks of things
She’s got her own two-step today

Sitting around twiddling her gorgeous thumbs
Through the red-tipped maples

While her toes tap on the cool green grass
And her breath leaves a mark on my window.

Waking up

I am not a morning person, yet my middle name is Dawn (my mothers favorite time of day). I'm not a morning person, yet I wake up hours before the sun rises. Sleeping in doesn't happen often, but when it does I'm surprisingly just as unaware of the things around me as I am when I'm forced out by my alarm.
It takes me about 5 minutes to lose my blurred vision, 15 minutes to put together proper words and sentences, and 30 minutes to gain my equilibrium. This morning, after I was able to function properly, I had to laugh at myself. Why? The process of me waking up is very similar to that of someone who has had one too many margaritas.
I'll use this week's morning routines as examples. The very first thing I do in the morning is jump in the shower to boost the waking up process. Due to blurred vision I washed my hair first with conditioner then with shampoo, the rest of the day my hair looked as if I stuck my finger in light socket. Thursday morning, after my shower, I apparently had a conversation with my mom about the Occupato premier the previous night. I was getting so frustrated b/c she kept asking how it was and then assumed the premier went poorly, all due to my slurred speech, incomplete sentences and talking in grunts. This morning I got up and put on some sweat pants. Standing on one foot is way too difficult. I fall over into the sink and knock over lotions and bottles. I stumbled into the kitchen and walk into the corner of the wall, followed by spilled yogurt and granola. Luckily, those who know me well enough know to give me 30 minutes to myself in the morning to "sober-up." Roommates and family have told me before that I'm funny in the morning. This morning I somehow became aware of the humor in my waking.

Yeah, that was a name drop

I had the privilege to work another race this weekend here in my hometown of Charlotte, NC, the Bank of America 500. My day started at the track at 7:30 am and ended the next day at 2:30 am. Despite the insanity of my work hours, I still managed to have a blast, as always.
Saturday morning I helped with the filming of a commercial for the NASCAR Foundation Track Walk. After gathering fans participating in the walk to pose as if they were really excited, I started to gather the celebrities there for quick interviews. I turn around to see a Busch Series driver, Scott Wimmer, not so exciting. Then I look over and see two large men talking. Once my brain woke up I realized it was former NFL players Rod Smith (Carolina Panthers) and George Martin (NY Giants). Being a big football fan I was happy to have the duty to shake their hand and prep them for their interviews.
Next on the list, Brian Vickers. Brian is a NEXTEL Cup Series driver for Red Bull. It's an on going joke in my family and at work that I need to go out with Brian solely for the reason that we both love kayaking and rock climbing...oh and did I mention he's quite cute, which I've made known to those who work with me. Anyway, as if in slow motion, Brian pulls up in his Red Bull golf cart looking fine as ever and walks up to meet his PR. The senior producer gives a frantic point in his direction as to say "Get him for an interview NOW!" I take a few deep breaths to prepare myself for my first words with Brian, which were "Hi, can I have you"...yep those were my words, nothing else. A very awkward what felt like a 10 minute, but was probably 2 seconds, pause lingered between us then I blurted out, "...for an interview of course, sorry, I mean, do you have a minute?" Luckily he laughs and says "yeah, definitely." I hold down the throw up and slight embarrassment and walk him over to my camera guy. After the interview I was hoping to find something to make me busy, or appear busy, to somehow relinquish my cool points. Then, it happens. I see someone who would make my week.
Ladies and gentlemen, I laid my eyes on a man with one arm and an air of rock and roll to him. In my moment of recovery from the past interview I wasn't thinking clearly. I began to strike up conversation with this man who told me all about his charity Raven Drum Foundation. We joked around and I even grabbed his good arm to support me as I laughed at a joke. Then it dawned on me...holy sweet mother, I'm talking to the legendary Rick Allen from Def Leppard!!! I was so excited. So as he talked with Brian and George I clicked this picture.

The track walk went well and I shared a few stares with Brian and another handshake and conversation with my man Rick, who I later saw in the pits where he winked at me...oh Rick. Anyhoo, it was a great weekend and I love meeting cool people, cool famous legendary one armed drummer people. Here is a Def Leppard music video. You can catch a few glimpses of Rick playing drums.

A Love Song For No One

I heard this song today and it made me smile. How true is it that we have all writen a love song for no one? Maybe not literally pen and paper, but we've all had those moments when we daydream about who it is we are meant to be with. As a girl, I know this to be true. Through out my life I've writen several letters to a man I don't know...or do I? Most my life I've been content with being single, but I must confess I have my moments (usually when I'm at home alone on a weekend) when I just say "Okay, I'm done with this whole single thing. Lets just fast forward and figure out this mystery."

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me
Oh You'll be so good
-John Mayer : A Love Song For No One

The Claim After the Storm

It seems the last 4 weeks of my life have been saturated in all thing TV and movie production. I've been sleeping, eating, talking, reading, writing, and sneezing production. Traveling on the road with NASCAR has been a blast. The people are amazing and come from all walks of life. They spend 36 weeks out of the year together, which has resulted in a nomadic-like family. I was immediately accepted and treated as if I had been with them all season.
Sunday I loaded up my things and headed out to the race track for a 6am crew call. I stopped by the TV compound to grab some fruit, load my backpack with enough snacks to last me till 9pm, and claim my beautiful gas powered golf cart. Most of the morning was spent putting the cameras together and prelabeling all the tapes. The camera that I was assigned to was worth $90,000, which made me thankful that I only had to clean the lens.
The festivities didn't start till 11am. I load my backpack with two 8 lb batteries and 10 HD digi tapes and truck on over with my camera crew to the drivers meeting. The rest of the day was spent in the pits (not the emotional pits but the actual physical pit stalls at the track). Sporting my all access pass, I hop the pit wall and start rubbing elbows with drivers and crew chiefs. It didn't take the drivers and crew members long to realize I was the newbie on the road. First I received the look-over, then the smile, and then I was picked on. The picking led to good conversation which led to making fun of Jeff Gordon when we caught him digging his fire suit out of his butt. After the National Anthem and other prerace festivities were over I hopped back over the pit wall and took my place in our first pit stall. I was able to capture some pretty cool photos. This is Jimmie Johnson's first pit stop of the race. I was close enough that if I stuck my hand out it would be lopped off by the car leaving the pit stall. I was also able to hear several lug nuts fly past my head as they flew out from under the tires. It was scary yet thrilling.
The race went through 2 rain delays, which left me very wet and very cold. We took shelter with some other crew members and drivers in an empty garage where I took the liberty to capture the monsoon. If you click on the picture it will be larger so that you can see it was literally raining sideways.
The race finally ended. Greg Biffle took the win under caution (my man Clint Bowyer came in a close 2nd). I snapped a quick picture of the chaos when he won. I surprised I wasn't killed or trampled. But I survived thanks to my 90 lb backpack. I'm sure it served as some sort of protection against the mob of media.

After capturing the burnout we ran to Victory Lane where I was doused in Gatorade and confetti. The night was finally over at 10pm. I loaded the golf cart with 4 cameras, 3 tripods and 2 booms and made my way to the car.
The next morning I slept the whole plane ride. It was a fun weekend and I look forward to the chaos again this weekend. Luckily the race is here in Charlotte so I can sleep in my own bed.

Confound to the TV Compound

A few of you have asked me why I haven't posted anything in a while. There is a very good reason and I plan to explain the details as briefly as possible. The past two weeks have been spent with 6-7 day work weeks with each day that last between 12-15 hours. I've been working on footage that is shown at the annual NASCAR Banquet every year in NYC. The deadlines are tight and my eye lids droopy. So for two weeks I've averaged 4 hours of sleep a night. I pulled my first all nighter at work, something to be proud of. Its sort of a coming of age for the TV industry, except that it consist of frozen pizza at 3am with your fellow sleep deprived producers and editors. Tuesday I was told that I would be flying out to Kansas for 6 days to work as a font cordinator (typing up the graphics for the show and placing them in during the live feed) for the Speed broadcast. Sunday I will be a runner for the Nextel Cup race, which means I drive around the pits, garage and other places of the infield providing the camera men with fresh batteries and tapes. So I've been here since Wednesday and I'm not leaving till Monday and still working those 13 hour days. It's fun. The TV  Compound is insane, but they serve amazing food and provide you with every variety of drink, candy and protein/granola bar on the market. I'm put up in an amazing hotel, living off the company credit card and driving a brand new car for the week...can't complain. The cool thing is I will be able to watch my first live race from the most exciting place at the track...the pits. 20 feet away from pit stops with flying lug nuts is a thrill, plus I get a golf cart! When I return home from Kansas I'll give everyone a more sufficient post.

Sea Kayaking

This is a little late, but I'm lazy and kept forgetting to put my pictures on my computer. Around the end of July my mom asked me if I would be up for a family vacation over Labor Day. Being that I'm poor and this would be an all exclusive trip on my parents I agreed that it would be a good idea. Little did I expect for her to tell me to plan it...anything I wanted! Well, what I wanted to was to go sea kayaking. I went for 9 days in March to the Florida Keys and slept in the National Parks and Forest, it was amazing. So after digging up those memories I decided that our family trip should be a sea kayaking adventure. Being that my sister-in-law hates bugs and my mom gets hot flashes, I decided that a condo would be the best place for sleeping. I managed to forget that my dad was still recovering from two broken arms.
Friday we all get off work early and drive down to the North Carolina Outer Banks (they are beautiful if you've never been). Our first full day I wake everyone up early and bring them to the Barrier Island Kayaking launch site. Some local kayakers give my family a crash course on paddling and water safty while I play with the shop puppy, Bella, and prep my boat for launching. Needless to say my family couldn't keep up and ending up backing out early. I stayed out with my mom who paddled another 2 miles without complaining. The rest of the trip we played on the beach, made sand castles and listened to my dad talk about how much he wanted Dairy Queen. Here are some pictures of my lovely family and our adventure. Enjoy.

This is Bella checking out my ride.
My brother was trying to race me.


My dad, sister-in-law, brother and me (mom took the pic)
Nothing like a quiet beach, a good tan and a good read.

PCs are for Fart-Hoffers

I ran across this online. Being apart of the Mac Cult, I found this pretty entertaining. It gets lame every now and then, but it's funny for the most part.

Drought relief

The past few days I have been insanely busy. I’ve been house sitting, dog sitting, working on extra projects at work with tight deadlines, trying to help out friends in need, helping organize events for a church’s anniversary, etc, etc. A few blogs ago I vented my frustrations with old roommates and my dad. The good news is that I got everything settled, got my deposit back and got an apology from my dad. Things are still a little weird between us but I can tell he’s making an effort to get to know me better. But although I’ve been busy I’ve been very happy and content. Today it rained for the first time in 6 weeks. I find the blessed rain a small step to the relief to our drought and a parallel to the things going on in my life.
I’m trying to save up money to buy a small home here in Charlotte, which forces me to live between my parents’ house and my brother’s house for the next year. This is kind of stressful but fun. I enjoy not really having to keep up my own place for once and not have to pay rent. It also gives me a chance to hang out with my brother some more. Not having a place to permanently live has given me the chance to house sit some of the nicest houses in Charlotte and make some extra cash.
Work is insane! I’ve been putting in over 50 hours a week, which leaves me very tired. I can’t complain though. Executive producers are starting to request my work more and more. I’m being placed on shorter projects as a producer instead of a production assistant. I love it. I finally feel like I’m applying myself at work. The 10-12 hour days are killing me but I couldn’t ask for a better job. To add to the chaos that I love so much, a large church as asked me to film the events of their 25th Anniversary (which includes a satellite feed to another building and editing together short videos to show at the events. I’m supposed to give and estimate this weekend.
On the personal side I’ve been dealing with hating it here in Charlotte, yep I said it. I’ve been having trouble meeting good, quality, sincere friends. Over a month ago a childhood friend of mine was suppose to be moving back to Charlotte. I was SO excited. If I had a sister this girl would be it. She calls me the day before her move and lets me know she’ll call me later that week to get together later that weekend…I never heard from her. A month passed with me calling 2-3 times a week, e-mailing and texting. Still nothing. The day my concern for her turns into slight panic I hear from her (funny how things like that work out). She immediately confesses that she was avoiding me and that she has some news for me. Knowing her personality and inability to stick with a plan I figure she never moved to Charlotte…I was right, but there was a good reason besides lack of commitment…she was pregnant. My heart sank to the floor. I couldn’t get mad or lecture her for being irresponsible. I listened to her tearful confession, gave her some loving words and said a prayer with her then got off the phone. The moment I hung up I began to cry, not only for her, but because I was heart broken. I was so looking forward to having an old best friend around and I wouldn’t have to try so hard to make new ones. Selfishly I was upset that I wasn’t going to get what I wanted. I sucked it up and realized the “me” has been the only thing I’ve really been focusing on. I spent a few hours by the pool to realign my thoughts and focus. Ever since then I’ve found myself very content with my life here in Charlotte. (Random note: the news is on in the background and they are doing a story on the large movement of doggy yoga classes in Charlotte…HOW STUPID IS THAT?!)
To wrap it up, I’m happy with my life here. It’s tough and I’m still adapting but small situations are showing me that I belong here and that great opportunities await me.
*Next to come: Family Sea Kayaking pictures!

Meme by Martha

My favorite Texian, Martha B, tagged me with a questionaire that will provide you with more random information about myself. Here it goes.

Four First Names of Crushes I've Had:
1. Josh
2. Andrew
3. Peter
4. Justin

Four Pieces of Clothing I wish I still owned:
1. Blue zip up hoodie from high school. It had my name on the front and Varsity Cheerleader on the back. Most comfortable thing I ever owned.
2. My black Reef flip flops
3. Yellow t-shirt from a smoothie company called Crush that had "got a crush?" on the back
4. A wool sweater from 8th grade that one of my friends shrank.

Four Names I've Been Called at One Time or Another:
1. K Dawg
2. Krystal Meth/ Meth/ Methy
3. K-love
4. KD/ KDL

Four Professions I Secretly Want to Try:
1. Photographer
2. Story book illustrator
3. Tour guide
4. Food Critic

Four Musicians I'd Most Want to Go on a Date With:
1. Elton John
2. Steven Tyler
3. Jason Mraz
4. Rob Thomas

Four Things I'd Rather Throw than Eat:
1. Spaghetti
2. Watermelon
3. Meatloaf
4. Any form of cooked fruit

Four Things I Like to Sniff:
1. Scotch Tape
2. Clean Clothes
3. Coffee grinds
4. Books

People I'd like to tag:
I don't know many, but here are the ones I know. So you are chosen out of default.
1. Red
2. Adam
3. Sizemore

Angry Tears

I was in the middle of responding to Martha's tag, but was unfortunately interrupted by something that would ruin my night, send me to bed upset and push me to tears and anger (I can count on one hand the amount of times I have actually been angry. To move me to this emotion is something one should never be proud of.) I won't go into to much detail, but to sum it up. My roommates have decided to keep my $358 deposit from our house in Raleigh and give it to my subleaser (who was there for a month and a half) because I didn't come help do the final cleaning before the walk through, my subleaser did. I'm sorry, it does suck that they had to clean out the pantry and refrigerator that was full of food that wasn't mine and dust and throw away an old fake christmas tree (mine) that they told me when I was moving out, they would throw away for me. I'm sorry my subleaser worked so hard and sweat a little to clean, but she didn't have to, she didn't put down a down payment and live there a year. Not only does their greed want to make me break every window in the house, they have seemingly forgotten that I single handedly furnished the living room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as bought the wireless router, TV, DVD player, DVDs, stools, pots and pans, dishes, cups, silverware, microwave and giant oriental rug. Which added up to easily be about $1000 more than my deposit. I also have moved to another city where I started a very busy job and a movie on the weekends, so planning a whole weekend in Raleigh wasn't the easiest thing to do. Four hours of packing up the house that I furnished and turning around to return the U-haul, then making it to a work meeting that evening was the best I could do. Another thing to add to the mix is that my two roommates discussed this whole thing with me not being able to be there (she used air quotes when she said this -we were on iChat) was unfair to them and than I could have easily made arrangements to come down there and clean for a weekend, and also that they unofficially decided that half my deposit should got to my subleaser and the other half be divided between them! Their reason: The deposit is to cover cleaning and damages. There weren't any damages, but we had to clean and if all of us were "too busy" (more air quotes) would we get the deposit back? The answer is no, so we thought since you weren't there to clean, it wasn't fair for you to get that deposit back because you didn't earn it......WHAT!!!?!!?

So after I finally got of iChat I wiped my angry tears and decided to talk to my parents...here comes the straw that broke the camels back...my dad. Before I even began to explain what happened I told them to please not try to reason out or fix the situation until I'm done venting. My mom knows that when I give a disclaimer that you better follow it or all hell will break loose (she knows this because I am a living clone of her). I begin to talk and my dad begins to butt in. I politely ask him to please let me finish. I'm so angry at the moment that I can't handle to be irritated by interruptions and I don't want to snap at him. I continue. He starts to butt in again (when my dad butts in about something like this he naturally yells, which makes me mad b/c I feel like he's attacking me). I stop and a little more deliberately ask him to let me finish. He snaps back and says "Fine! Hurry up then and Finish!" I feel the blood rush to my face and that vein in my neck pop out. I stand up and say, "I have to leave the room. I was done talking about it." He still continues to yell at me to come back and calls me young lady (which I despise). I lock the door to my room and grab laptop and go sit in my closet. He bangs on the door and I ignore him because I'm trying to keep myself from punching a hole in the wall. A few minutes later, I've begun to slightly calm myself down, he bangs again. I wipe my last tear and go to the door. He starts to yell at me that if they won't give my deposit back then I need to start charging them $30 a month for the used of my furniture. He continues on but I picked a spot in the near by corner to concentrate on and tuned him out. I start to make myself cry some more when I realized that my dad and I would never be able to have any type of relationship deeper than parent/child. My older brother is the favorite in his eyes. He followed in his dad's footsteps and my dad can sit there and talk to him for hours. I'm the free spirited child who forgives too easily and dreams too big. He doesn't understand my quirks and isn't willing to take the time to really ask me about the things I love. As these thoughts flooded into my head I still couldn't deny that he's been a wonderful father to me. I took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye and interrupted him to tell him that he is repeating everything that I would have told him if he would have let me finish, or finish ANY story at that. I asked him to please leave me be. My mom shot him a stare and he walked away. I relocked my door and went back to my closet where I now sit typing this blog.

I'm still so angry that the tears won't stop rolling down my cheek and my hands won't stop shaking. There's just nothing worse than the feeling and the reality of know you have absolutely nothing in common with you father and that an actual conversation between the two of you is something that, if it happened, no longer exist in your memory. Fortunately I do forgive easily and I won't let myself go to bed angry (it's one of the worst things you could ever do to yourself)....After sitting in the middle of the driveway with my mom pouring out every thought that came to my mind, I finally calmed down. So now I'll sit in my closet a little longer in silence and lay still till my eyes begin to drop.

*Martha, tomorrow I will respond to your tag*

Pet Peeves

We all have those little things that drive us crazy, some like to call them pet peeves, some say pep peeves; I guess it's where you come from. Pet or pep, either way, today was a day packed full of some of my favorite pep peeves that drive me crazy. Here is a list of almost all my pet peeves. I realize this makes me sound crazy, but if you took the time to write down all those things that drive you crazy, you would have a long list too.

1. Talking / making noise during a movie - THIS DRIVES ME MAD! There is one person in my life that is terrible at this. I want to scream when he's in the room and I what to avoid watching movies with him at all costs...my dear dad. He just talks to the dog, eats things in loud wrappers, turns the other TV on so loud Canada can hear it, decides to nail something, etc. We all know these people. If you're one of them, please never watch a movie with me. It will ruin my opinion of you.
1B. Dilly Dallying around (yes that's what I said) and coming into a movie 30 minutes late then asking the whole time who's that? What's going on? .... Basically either sit in silence with me and enjoy the show or let me watch it alone. I know that sounds harsh but I love my movie time.
2. People who don't turn on red - If there isn't a sign then turn. I can understand if traffic is heavy, we do need to be cautious. But if there isn't anyone on road then why don't you turn?
2B. Right turn signals on traffic lights - You have a right turn signal with no "No turn on Red" sign and no left turn signal...WHAT? That makes no sense at all. Why have the Turn on Red law then?
3. Ketchup on steak - That is a good way to ruin a perfectly good steak. No excuse.
4. Squeezing the toothpaste from the top or center.
5. People who check their text / respond to a text while in the middle of a conversation - They just hold up their finger as to say "hold on one minute while I check this text that is way more important than what you're saying"
5B. Bluetooth
6. Putting toilet paper on the holder with the flap hanging behind instead of in front - the picture shows the way that doesn't drive me crazy
7. Red pen
8. People who dress their dogs
9. Putting stuffed animals in the back of your car so I have the pleasure of staring at them in traffic.
10. Talking in the morning - I'm not a morning person at all and I love the still quietness that only comes with the morning. Don't try to make small talk with me while I sip my coffee and watch the sun rise.
11. TVs in the bedroom
12. People who air box after making a joke. My boss does this.

Becoming Jane

A biographical portrait of a pre-fame Jane Austen and her romance with a young Irishman.
The year is 1795 and young Jane Austen is a feisty 20-year-old and emerging writer who already sees a world beyond class and commerce, beyond pride and prejudice, and dreams of doing what was then nearly unthinkable - marrying for love. Naturally, her parents are searching for a wealthy, well-appointed husband to assure their daughter's future social standing. They are eyeing Mr. Wisley, nephew to the very formidable, not to mention very rich, local aristocrat Lady Gresham, as a prospective match. But when Jane meets the roguish and decidedly non-aristocratic Tom Lefroy, sparks soon fly along with the sharp repartee. His intellect and arrogance raise her ire - then knock her head over heels. Now, the couple, whose flirtation flies in the face of the sense and sensibility of the age, is faced with a terrible dilemma. If they attempt to marry, they will risk everything that matters - family, friends and fortune. (Yahoo Movies)

This is truly a beautiful story of love vs. society, irony, and perseverance. Jane Austin has always been a favorite of mine. The first time I read Pride and Prejudice was in the 8th grade and it was the first book I actually read all the way through. Ironically I do not own any copies of her work, which is a shame. Her stories are so well written that I always wondered where her inspiration came from. This film captures her growth from scattered thoughts strewn out on a piece of paper to an unexpected and life/career changing inspiration that sparked the famous work, Pride and Prejudice. Anne Hathaway portrayed a stubborn, young and wide eyed romantic Jane Austen in a way that deserves an Oscar nomination. Maggie Smith played her typical role as the hardhearted old woman, but did an amazing job at it none the less. I wanted to punch James McAvoy (Chronicles of Narnia) the first quarter of the film, then kiss him the last half.

I won't begin to go into the beauty of this film. It is so simplistic. The costumes weren't trying to make some huge symbolic statement, nor distracted your eye away from the story. Lush greens and muted pastels flush the screen and calm the eye. That's what I'll leave it at for now.

I walked out of this movie with tears in my eyes. A movie rarely makes me cry, when it does I know that it's something worth considering adding to my library. I couldn't help but find myself relating to the young Jane Austen. I saw characteristics and passions in her that I shared. Part of the time, I felt like I was watching my life on screen, excluding the pressure to marry into money. What can I say, I am a hopeless romantic that was saddened to see Jane live a life without the man that inspired one of her greatest works. No one writes love better than Jane and this movie will show you why.

This is a wonderful, moving film and I recommend it to anyone who enjoys reading the works of Ms. Austen.