I was in the middle of responding to Martha's tag, but was unfortunately interrupted by something that would ruin my night, send me to bed upset and push me to tears and anger (I can count on one hand the amount of times I have actually been angry. To move me to this emotion is something one should never be proud of.) I won't go into to much detail, but to sum it up. My roommates have decided to keep my $358 deposit from our house in Raleigh and give it to my subleaser (who was there for a month and a half) because I didn't come help do the final cleaning before the walk through, my subleaser did. I'm sorry, it does suck that they had to clean out the pantry and refrigerator that was full of food that wasn't mine and dust and throw away an old fake christmas tree (mine) that they told me when I was moving out, they would throw away for me. I'm sorry my subleaser worked so hard and sweat a little to clean, but she didn't have to, she didn't put down a down payment and live there a year. Not only does their greed want to make me break every window in the house, they have seemingly forgotten that I single handedly furnished the living room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as bought the wireless router, TV, DVD player, DVDs, stools, pots and pans, dishes, cups, silverware, microwave and giant oriental rug. Which added up to easily be about $1000 more than my deposit. I also have moved to another city where I started a very busy job and a movie on the weekends, so planning a whole weekend in Raleigh wasn't the easiest thing to do. Four hours of packing up the house that I furnished and turning around to return the U-haul, then making it to a work meeting that evening was the best I could do. Another thing to add to the mix is that my two roommates discussed this whole thing with me not being able to be there (she used air quotes when she said this -we were on iChat) was unfair to them and than I could have easily made arrangements to come down there and clean for a weekend, and also that they unofficially decided that half my deposit should got to my subleaser and the other half be divided between them! Their reason: The deposit is to cover cleaning and damages. There weren't any damages, but we had to clean and if all of us were "too busy" (more air quotes) would we get the deposit back? The answer is no, so we thought since you weren't there to clean, it wasn't fair for you to get that deposit back because you didn't earn it......WHAT!!!?!!?
So after I finally got of iChat I wiped my angry tears and decided to talk to my parents...here comes the straw that broke the camels back...my dad. Before I even began to explain what happened I told them to please not try to reason out or fix the situation until I'm done venting. My mom knows that when I give a disclaimer that you better follow it or all hell will break loose (she knows this because I am a living clone of her). I begin to talk and my dad begins to butt in. I politely ask him to please let me finish. I'm so angry at the moment that I can't handle to be irritated by interruptions and I don't want to snap at him. I continue. He starts to butt in again (when my dad butts in about something like this he naturally yells, which makes me mad b/c I feel like he's attacking me). I stop and a little more deliberately ask him to let me finish. He snaps back and says "Fine! Hurry up then and Finish!" I feel the blood rush to my face and that vein in my neck pop out. I stand up and say, "I have to leave the room. I was done talking about it." He still continues to yell at me to come back and calls me young lady (which I despise). I lock the door to my room and grab laptop and go sit in my closet. He bangs on the door and I ignore him because I'm trying to keep myself from punching a hole in the wall. A few minutes later, I've begun to slightly calm myself down, he bangs again. I wipe my last tear and go to the door. He starts to yell at me that if they won't give my deposit back then I need to start charging them $30 a month for the used of my furniture. He continues on but I picked a spot in the near by corner to concentrate on and tuned him out. I start to make myself cry some more when I realized that my dad and I would never be able to have any type of relationship deeper than parent/child. My older brother is the favorite in his eyes. He followed in his dad's footsteps and my dad can sit there and talk to him for hours. I'm the free spirited child who forgives too easily and dreams too big. He doesn't understand my quirks and isn't willing to take the time to really ask me about the things I love. As these thoughts flooded into my head I still couldn't deny that he's been a wonderful father to me. I took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye and interrupted him to tell him that he is repeating everything that I would have told him if he would have let me finish, or finish ANY story at that. I asked him to please leave me be. My mom shot him a stare and he walked away. I relocked my door and went back to my closet where I now sit typing this blog.
I'm still so angry that the tears won't stop rolling down my cheek and my hands won't stop shaking. There's just nothing worse than the feeling and the reality of know you have absolutely nothing in common with you father and that an actual conversation between the two of you is something that, if it happened, no longer exist in your memory. Fortunately I do forgive easily and I won't let myself go to bed angry (it's one of the worst things you could ever do to yourself)....After sitting in the middle of the driveway with my mom pouring out every thought that came to my mind, I finally calmed down. So now I'll sit in my closet a little longer in silence and lay still till my eyes begin to drop.
*Martha, tomorrow I will respond to your tag*
